Saturday, June 19, 2010

Raavan

Here is the deal. 5 minutes into the movie, Sita is kidnapped. That was quick, Can't wait to see the rest of the movie, I thought, but I had to, for a flat 100 minutes.

Meanwhile Sita jumps off a waterfall and it is captured so beautifully, u r awestruck by the cinematography and the exotic beauty of Athirapally waterfalls , but by the third time it is shown u just think she hit a tree and she s just fine..
Then
Sita shrieks, Beera makes faces, Ram shoots/runs/wears sunglasses, again and then again and then again..
Get up take a walk - Sita is shrieking Beera is making faces and Ram is shooting/running.
Take a nap - hey Govinda is Tarzan, and
Sita is still shrieking Beera is still making faces and Ram is still shooting/running.

Time : Infinity
Flashback : Sita is dancing, again dancing then again dancing, no more I wonder why Ram is not missing Sita.
Beera has fallen for Sita seeing her jump down the waterfall.
Flashback : Surpanakha is pulled by her nose, humiliated and commits suicide. So it's a revenge saga. Sita lowers her shrieking decibels. But why is Beera running a parallel govt, Is he a tribal/naxalite/maoist. Oh nothing matters just take this thing forward.

Tarzan meets Sita, just like that, my guess - they have run out of locations. So bring on the climax.

Ram kills Beera's bro. Ram is ruthless, get the point.

Ram and Beera fight,
Beera lets Ram go & sets Sita free. So much for the revenge !
There it is - Ram asked Sita to take Polygraph test. Just when u thought this can't get any worse.

There is a promising idea, a bolder Sita who refuses to take Agnipareeksha. Plus amazing cinematography, Priya Mani, Ravi Kissan, But the fact is all these can't make a good movie unless there is proper script and screen play. Like those in-love-antics-of ash abhi around release time. But not any less boring.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Raajneeti

Mahabharat + Godfather garnished with 'widow-sympathy-votes' Madam angle - all the excellence of the above mentioned sources of inspiration .

Strangely I kind of enjoyed the movie (in the time of Kites, Raajneeti is pretty much Godfather), especially the first half. Second half is an outright remake of Godfather - with a lot of scenes giving a sense of Deja vu. And then from a hurried meeting between Kunti and her Jyesht Putr to the climax a steep fall. Adapting the war for power to election in current scenario is a commendable move, but politicians shooting each other in public! Well the only plausible explanation seems to be that Jha realized its 3 hrs and has to end the movie. So boom dhish dhish dhish ..

Once the movie starts revolving too much around Ranbir Kapoor's Micheal Corleone it goes down and downer - why the American Girlfriend - cut her and 5 min well saved. One remarkable aspect is almost all the roles demand only a single expression from the actor hence everyone manages to give a decent acting wala feeling. Like Ajay Devgan makes that 'Angry young(now old) man side angle face' (considering his role, that might well have been his natural expression on the sets) through out and very well he is playing an angry man. Arjun Rampal couldn't manage any expression but he made Khadi look hawtt. Bajpai managed to hold on do a decent Duryodhan-esque expression even in those shiny suits. Ranbir's overworking PR has done a very good job in hyping a decent performance - his tally of 2 expressions (in each half) is next only to Nana. Nana smiles , scratches his head , smiles wickedly , becomes serious and not eccentric - and he does it well. Kat looked bad in first half(whoever put that big bindi on her face hates her) but made up in the second half once she came in simple cotton sarees. But the worst job in acting department was done by Kunti who looks younger than her sons with the exception of Ranbir and her wooden expression-ed son that is Rampal.

Still recommending as this is the best I have seen this year.

Jodha Akbar

It is common knowledge that Madhur Bhandarkar watches a lot of - Sansani khez khabarein. And after watching JA I have a strong feeling that Ashutosh Gowarikar is a Star Plus watcher, and he missed Kyunki so much that he remade it in 70 mm.

Kyunki had a poor priest's daughter getting married to the scion of a super rich Biz family with a vile m-i-l and loving grand m-i-l and then misunderstandings and clearing misunderstandings.. Then hero almost dies and comes back and that's where I stopped. Replace the leads with a Hindu Princess and a mighty Muslim Emperor, add a Jealous step bro, few fight scenes and then gladiator-ish climax in an agonizingly slow pace and u get Jodha Akbar. Not that slow is always bad, Remember Swades or even Lagaan. Its just that it is plain boring (with the exception of a bare Torso Akbar) when u can predict the movie.. even the dialogues.

To me the movie faltered because it was made with an intent to be epic, unlike when the script has potential and it showed. First they add grandeur, The mighty Mughal Emperor - Akbar, Rajputani Princess - Jodha (apparently his D-I-L so much for all the research while making a historical). So there is scope for a 'Hindu - Muslim' 'Poor Girl - Rich Boy' 'Values' love story. Then make it more epic - Take 2 amazing specimens of human beauty, add some war sequences from Hollywood and some greatness of Akbar. And yawnnnnnn..

PS: How about a love triangle between Akbar and 2 of his 999 wives. May be Kat can be the other wife. And keep the prettiness intact.

Indian P League

Like the NRIs shown in Johar/Chopra movies (I m not an NRI technically but since I am not residing in India as of now I qualify), I am very passionate about India and Indian P(Power, Politics, Paisa, Page 3)s. I do a lot of patriotic stuff like read all news portals blogs follow celebrities on twitter and then sit back and comment.It certainly helps that I dont have much to do except get my paycheck on the last friday of every month.

So I open NDTV, IPL is the most important national issue now that Shoania is married. So that no one loses interest 7 teams are still vying for 3 Semi spots, and hopefully till the last match. And then closely following is the THODI - who-is-the-bigger-jackass-contest. And then finally one line about the Storm that killed 100s in Bihar & Bengal. Who is interested in a Storm after all or in real news for that matter.

Itz all about Entertainment boss ! And the Indian P League is a consortium of everything mentioned above. I am not sure if Modi understands the differenece between a googly and yorker but for sure he understands the E value of all the Ps.Which is why he borrowed the most promising E idea from Zee and turned it into an amalgam of all the Ps. And to think he removed the C not just from the name but from the game and replaced with a P and made it a B$ DLF maximum - Sit back n enjoy the Karbonn Kamal times of Sreesanth and Bhajji. Of Angad Bedi and S Mallya and IPL nights. That of Item Numbers (and Item No Cricket), Rakhi Sawant's Swayamvar, Phir mile sur mera tumhara and Size Zero Values. Not to forget Behenji and her statues.. Be Grateful to the citi moments of success - the first ODI double hundred hit by the most deserving person .And that of Dev D and LSD. Not to forget that Bihar is registering 11% growth.

To hope and sense that prevail even in these blimpy times, but May the E never die !!

Save ur time even if its not valuable !

Happened to catch a few interviews :

Nita Ambani on First Ladies (is she always pointless or the gays just turned her off) - Mukesh is so rich.
Farooq Abdullas take on IPLgate - I don't know. I am still pissed I couldn't be J&K CM.
Tulsi (BJP VP)- I actually prepare a few sentences each time, which are reused every time I open my mouth.
Abhishek Manu Sanghvi - I contrived and exerted all efforts towards attainment of GRE, And here I am - not for no reason.
Suzanne Roshan - I am an angel and Hrithik is Greek God. We are perfect.
Hemamalini - Its all for seniors to decide. I will work for arts, movies, women and children.
Farhan Akhtar - I am so cool even with my deadpan dead expression.
Aishwarya Rai B - I am beautiful and everything associated with me is perfect.

Anyone should be able to find a better way to waste time. I know u could n't and that's y u r reading this.. Still

The limited man..

We did not act early. We allowed it to fester for nearly 10 years. We underestimated the gravity of the situation.

She(Mamta Banerjee) speaks to me on a number of subjects.
I think she wants...she'd like the Bengal elections to be brought forward...but I don't think there is a connection between the two.
Who am I to bring an election forward?

The security forces, the Chief Ministers want it. The CMs of West Bengal, Andhra Pradesh, Maharashtra, Chhattisgarh and Orissa asked for air support. They are the men on the ground.
Barkha Dutt: Why can't you convince the government?
P Chidambaram, Home Minister: Well, I will try.

The man sure is limited, and unfortunately is the home minister who, even more unfortunately still seems better than his predecessor (not just looks n angezi).
Where do we go from here.

A Hyped Kite !

Ok he looks awesome.. and he can dance (even in biscuit and mobile ads). But please I can no longer bear to hear about Hrithik Roshan's immense (over)acting talent. Agreed he has more expressions than Kaif/Padukone/Rai combined. But seriously acting talent, overacting may be. Even dance is beginning to bore. In 10 yrs if Jr AB's could do tolerable, can't Roshan learn a few new steps.

I couldn't see much of acting talent even after watching all of his movies. Yes, I have watched them all - thankfully not many. Except the Zoya Akthar movie - Luck By Chance can't watch any of that again. And yes as anyone in teenage during 2000 I was also crazy about HR. Phew! Kaho Na Pyar Hai, see that's proof that I have matured.Then followed all the disasters except Lakshya. But coming from the director of Dil Chahta Hai - not acceptable. Koi Mil Gaya and Krish - further doom. To say least a pathetic copy of Speilberg's ET. Dhoom 2 - a movie much like Hrithik - all style and no substance. And then came Jodha Akbar, Well after Lagaan and Swades, Gowariker came up with a mega serial with the near perfect looking protagonists. After Life In A Metro, Basu gives Kites with Roshan.

I am beginning to worry for Zoya Akthar. But Abhay Deol gives me hope.

PS : Today I unfollow Rajeev Masand (read his kites review). And never again I will follow anyone from bollywood except Rahul Khanna. For some serious jokes take a look at Roshans twitter.

Sex and the City

Rise and Shine - I told the lil feminist in me !! Not the men bashing proud-to-be-hairy type. The uber cool chic type..
Yea I know I am like a decade behind cool or chic or uber. But its the idea - chicks rock. Men If u have cars, we have fashion. The movie or the series rather celebrates single woman, go out and enjoy And while u r at it, search for love. Instead of waiting for love hope/end-lessly and do nothing except dote on the boss. Get a life Catherine Heigel or rather a script writer!

I always liked the idea : Chics can be perfectly happy too, I mean I am married to the man just perfect for me. My issue is with the idea that woman can't have fun. Like if a woman is single, she is miserable and needy. But if a man is single, he is a playboy and awesome.

Fashion tops my favorite part of the movie. Then the idea. A chick flick is normally a love-lone desperate chick and how she finds love. Yes SATC has Carrie and Big (it's produced by Carrie after all),but SATC is about Carrie and friends. No cinematic greatness Its just awesome chicness over all. The sexy Sam is definitely the best or most entertaining about SATC. Workaholic cynical Miranda. These women exist and enjoy. These are the characters which add that X factor. But still only Sam and Miranda might not be able pull it off. Play safe - add a little homeliness and the producer. And then it's so great to see that they are in 40s and still having so much fun.. So forget the movie and enjoy the chicness.

So here s To fashion and To women ! Feel Good.

Kites

It is movies like Kites that make watching movies adventurous. After all who could expect this from Basu after 'Life in a Metro'. To be fair to Basu, Kites is soo Koyla, and has Rakesh Roshan written all over it. Just very expensive.

There is that customary 'No resemblance to anyone living or dead'. Really? Who ever thought a movie like Kites would resemble anything real. Take this - J has had 11 fake marriages to get Green Card for immigrants. And the richest man in Vegas accepts his daughters dance instructor to be the S-I-L just with a question You love my daughter don't u (Was he by any chance Gay). How sweet. And then the (supposedly) romantic music in the backdrop of deadly chases.

The most innovative part of the movie was Kangana's dance in the beginning. Surprise - she can dance. And then add some funny accent by Hrithik - not heard before. And yeah Barbara can act Hrithik can't (but he kind of vibrates when emotes). And he looks so awesome that he managed to look hot even in some totally Gay costumes.

Just a thought why didn't they show Kabir Bedi as the US President. Anyway watch it for a 80s bollywood experience and a few unintentional laughs.

The Corporate Manifesto !

Few things are less delightful than coming sceond.. like coming second again and then again, to a parasitic amoeba. Well that is Corporate race - its not about performing better but projecting better.

I help Amoeba but cant bring myself to cc all managers and let the world know. And then Amoeba helps X and ccs everyone in the world and gets appreciation. A typical WTF moment ! Then Amoeba logs in late night and pings the client on the other side of the globe. And then replies on top of every mail though there is nothing to add. While I slog my butt out and even help Amoeba at times(I donno y). Then I visualize myself as Roarke and Amoeba as Peter, and trust me, fellow losers, that helps (not in appraisals) . But somehow unlike Fountainhead : I get a mere technically strong but need to be aggressive. While Amoeba is proactive and takes initiative.

All these years I was happy playing Roarke and then the ultimate truth dawned upon me, a very simple and basic discovery, which would be known as the First Law of Corporate Screw Up ! Well it is asses like Amoeba who climb up the ladder, riding on those actually do their bit; but as they go higher the density of asses grow with very few left who can actually do any bit. And then the inevitable screw up. An interesting aspect is how this situation tend to build up till it the screw up is complete, as senior asses with inherent (in)capability identify worthy predecessors and bring them up the ladder while the normal distribution of assness towards the bottom of the ladder helps people down there identify the asses for what they are.
Sample : It doesn't matter how much ever technical work u do. What matters is what difference u make, what value u add to the project, to the account, to the company like an XL capturing all the issues or a PPT highlighting our strengths !
FYI AM, If I don't do my technical work that would definitely make a difference !

Enlightenment Outcome : for the betterment of the society I must sacrifice the ecstasy of being Roarke.

Shortly after wards :-0
X - hey why dont u send that doc to me
Me - Why dont we keep a shared drive and update daily
X - sure
Mail from X : From now on please update all docs in my shared drive.
PM - Smart.
Me - @@$$**!!

But then, I would rather come second than be Amoeba (there is no much choice actually, some people are just born amoebic). Let me keep my integrity though I might tend to sway, After all that's what makes me, me. ;)

There are 2 types of people : Those who try to win and those who try to appear so ! (courtesy NN Taleb)

Aint we missing something..

This blog is a reflection, of all thoughts that cross my mind.. Usually about my escapades, silly thots.. But rt now its a disturbing thought rather a lot of thoughts which I cant get out of my head. And I am trying to'Google' the truth. What s ironic I am googling about a group who might not have not even heard of it.

I am an IT professional, yes the atmoic part of the shining India which Thomas Freidman described in 'The World is flat'. I exhibit all its properties : middle class parents, 5 digit salary by 22, cant live without mobile and internet, relish Mcd , i chat i mail i spend, hey I drive the economy. i have such opportunities which seemed so impossible to my previous generation or even to me 10 yrs back.

After spending 22 yrs in Gods own country I migrated to the IT capital of India- Blore. And there I saw a different not-so-shining India - a stinking famished India, when I missed office bus. (Something struck - Kerala model of development. You can always develop the minimum standard of living without any significant economic development. And it made sense when a friend who s a keralite brought up in bihar remarked, even if people have nothing to eat they will take bath daily dress neatly and read newspaper ! which is why I didnt see this other still dark India)

Everything was fine and then 'Something suddenly went drastically wrong' - Islamic Terrorism thou back then this was the only terrorism. 1year and a new HM later, India started shining again.. Except for occasional Maoist attacks which no one really cared about. And then the no of casualties zoomed like Indias GDP. But somehow these stories never raised TRPs and coverage didnt last long. Till the casualities hit 50+ and then the latest 76. 'Something went drastically wrong again'. A new term was heard - Maoist terrorism, from the other India - the one portrayed disgustingly and probably truly in White Tiger, the one Arundhati Roy speaks about, the one where Binayak Sen hails from, the one where people are still tribal. The naturally rich yet most impoverished regions and its inhabitants. Who represents them. Who stands the right to? Not the brutal Maoists who seems to have forgotten the cause and is lost in the violent path. If indeed their aim was to bring tribals to mainstream, why do they spend billions on arms and not on the upliftment of the people. How are they making a difference to the people. Do they even care. It is instead widening the gap between the two Indias. Nor Ms Roy whose implausible idea of eliminating the gap is to take whole of India back into the deepest forests and to stone age.

While I am definitely not a Grasshopper supporter, to all the patriotic people passionately blogging and tweeting about the issue and leaving no stone unturned in trouncing Ms Roy, for one she has been there. While she might not be having a plausible solution, she might even be publicity hungry, but the issues she has raised is real. For those of us whose idea of patriotism is becoming a fan of 'I-love-India' groups in Facebook we stand no right to comment. Well from the shining India, I find it hard to even imagine their plight.

While everyone is fighting over Naxalism and Arudhati Roy, the real cause remains the way it has always been - unattended.

Well my intention was to raise the issue, or even the huge difference between the two Indias, this post just made me realize that I dont have even the minimum information required .
For a reality check :
http://swayambhumukherjee.blogspot.com/2010/03/time-travel-blog-ton-8.html
http://www.mathrubhumi.com/mb4eves/online/malayalam/kerala/women/articles/features-article-94052

Pak Revenge for IPL Snub?

Open ndtv ibnlive rediff, n Surprise - IPL is no more the most Important Primetime News Item (IPL Item number cricket). The honor goes to Indias latest dangerous liaison with Pak. Sania Mirza - Shoaib Malik wedding ! Well considering they are not even planning to settle down in Pak, this could be a tragic loss for Indian Tennis as, in all probability she would continue (really!) to play for India till second round and then proceed to recover from injuries. Oops - i meant she will continue to recover and in between play till second round.

The noble always-there-for-celebs-when-u-need-publicity Shivsainiks decided to help only to be left in awe by the sheer brilliance of Pak plan. An alleged first wife from the same city!Sena happily backed out - see they just wanted to help. They have only one principle - live and let live. Publicity for us & publicity for u. After all, page3 people too deserve to be on Page1 especially when a film is about to be released. Wannabes - Dare to think beyond page 3!

Well played Shoaib, That sure was a googly!


Kurban

The masterpiece dumb shit movie of 2009.
Well i took all the pain in watching this crap coz of the Reviews and I am wondering how much they were paid.

"I am a prof at New York university who marries a stranger after making out with him in the staff room(btw I am right now in Delhi University so that we can meet) and take him to US and get him a job in New york Uni. Guess what - they even created a new course for him on Islam just bcoz he suggested so in the interview and yeah he can totally teach in Hindi. Oh and we move to a terrorist neighborhood where i see a dead body and hear about their plan to bomb a flight carrying UN delegates. Damn my stranger husband is a member of the group ! But guess what he wont kill me. Neither do any of the other terrorists. Ha ha.
And then i call the journalist I just met (who btw dies in the blast) and leave her a message about the plan. Well thou I am a prof at Newyork Uni apparently I haven't heard off 911. And then her overacting dumb orang utanesque journo boyfriend gets the message and the monkey decides to deal with it himself ! Wow What a bloody engaging thriller we have ! Just like I felt about tashan.
So my terrorist husband roams around inspite of FBI having his pics, hey they have Osamas pics. And the dumb boyfriend journo is taken in the terrorist group bcoz he says America is wrong in my husbands Islamic class. And the best thing, thou I am under house arrest(can't kill me guys!), the Terrorist wives take me out shopping when I get bored and even when she is not around I choose not to escape. And the dumb journo boyfriend was waiting at the mall for me thou he had no clue if I were dead or alive. What a smart plot !
And then I give a call to the dumb journo bf from my gynecs room and heres y he cant call the police. Thou they havent planted any bombs yet they are planning to do so and it is very important that I get the map in the terrorist husbands study thou no one knows how the dumb bf found that out . Not that I am tied or something but I cant get it w/o having sex with terrorist husband so that he s convinced and thats y the very pivotal and integral-to-the-story (as if we have one, KJo just happen to have a lot of money) backless scene. What?
And how smart of me to write the places in a chit and pass it with coffee cup to the Dumb bf, so that he can call 911 and inform. how bloody thrilling. Oh and FBI takes weeks to get the full face of the next door dead chic thou exactly half of the face is perfectly intact(miracle! see it to believe it) with make up still on - I wonder which brand she is using she died probably a month ago and after that was in an explosion. And the smartass my terrorist husband is he had left no evidence to find her identity so they instead have to develop her full face and then post her pics everywhere. (Guess they could not develop my terrorist husbands photos like they can use it only in presentations). Oh but despite my smart moves the dumb bf called FBI and asked him to meet alone tomo morn instead of giving the location or any useful info. But as viewers would not have guessed by now plan is preponed to tomo.
OMG the dumb bfs identity is revealed in train and there is a shoot out and somehow no one calls 911 so my terrorist husband gets in a long convo with the dumb bf and somehow he manages to change his mind Wow.
And sends the dumbo to save my ass oh we ladies were carrying bombs which was the master plan which for some unknown reason the head terrorist reveals to my terrorist husband. So finally after all the 2.5hr torture dumb bf remembers 911 and informs them and no Its not over,turns out they are as dumb.They take the help of the dumbest ass ever journo bf while terrorist husband saves me." Kickass !

Happy Days / Ritu

Some movies make u think - inspires u some way or the other and some make u laugh not exactly bcoz they were intended to.. And some make u do both, having been there u wonder, Really?

Both the movies are cliched - full of stereotypes, but one has a fresh feeling to it and the other is jaded, but way too free time made these stay with me.Well subjects are the eternal campus/corporate life, but then this is about my generation(yea i am no more part of the current gen). But am v much part of the target audience : been there or aspiring to be there (no points in guessing i belong to the former). Still cherishing college life, but never shuns the same here. (instead i think about the next appraisal when i meet a new colleague).

HD is the cute feel good movie. The pretty gal cute guy friendship-misunderstandings-fights-makeup-love story, loser realizing the not-so-hot-always-there-chic is the one for him in the end, ditching friends only to find they are still there.. And everyone is happy at the end of 4 yrs ! Such a wonderful world. But the colorful treatment, teens playing teens for a change and keeping it simple works.

Whereas Ritu is the pretentious realistic movie. A hero who chooses to hold on to old times and values inspite of being in IT , A heroine / sec hero who are lost in the hot and happening IT world only to regret later. Infact the movie portrays IT as the lucrative evil world sucking in innocents and churning out partying and flirting obsessed deprived-of-all-values corporates. No the director is not Madhur-realistic-Bhandarkar. Its our v own Shayamaprasad inspired this time not by classic plays/novels. After page 3, corporate, fashion, jail Bhandarkar might be running out of background premises. Why cant he just stop making movies !

So drifting from HD to Ritu to Bhandrakar and some nostalgic moments later I realized, 1 whole day is over. Mission accomplished !